1
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,030
It's all about first impressions, Maeve.

2
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:11,670
Upping the averages, sexing the
dossier, you know, rather than...

3
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:12,910
Showing the real you.

4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,870
Exactly, yeah.

5
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,750
God, she's like a sort of
angelic bear, like cuddly,

6
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,310
but no, not nearly as dangerous
as a bear, as dangerous as an ant,

7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,590
but as impressive as a bear.

8
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:23,710
I can't put it into words.

9
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,590
- Sounds like you're
describing Baloo. - Yes!

10
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:29,270
Thank you, he's a fantastic bear,
so thanks, thanks ever so much.

11
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,070
But David Lynch Retrospective,
that's pretty good, no?

12
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,350
The Elephant Man, that's
quite a good sort of...

13
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,750
God, I want to divorce
you sometimes, Ashley!

14
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,750
- Oh, dear. - I want to
divorce the crap out of you!

15
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,310
Hence date night, Les,
that's why we do date night,

16
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,110
- to postpone that feeling.
- Can't postpone it for ever, Ashley.

17
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,590
Yes, you can! That's what marriage is.

18
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,030
- What's the problem now?
- I wanted to go to Chesterfield,

19
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,750
see the church with the bent
steeple. (It's hilarious, Maeve.)

20
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,870
It's not just that, it's
the marriage in general,

21
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,270
it's quite crap, frankly.

22
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,710
- Bloody Nora! - Well, don't get
divorced -- the custody battles!

23
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,070
- Well, you're 25, mate, so...
- No, fair point, yeah.

24
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,110
We thought we'd discuss it
when you both moved out,

25
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,390
- but obviously you've scuppered that plan, Tom.
- Well, sorry for keeping you together.

26
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,790
Oh, no, don't apologise, Tom,
it's not just you, there's, um,

27
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,780
a physical element too.

28
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:17,240
Good, well, tone set, I
am in the mood for love.

29
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,440
Exciting.

30
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,230
Do you think you'll tell him about
ramming the leukaemia charity van?

31
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,150
I don't think so, no.

32
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,670
Got you some earrings, my love.

33
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,750
- Thought you could wear them on your date.
- Oh, I mean, I can't.

34
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,790
Please. I value and cherish our
friendship. Please accept them.

35
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,310
Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.

36
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,230
So, why have you been
looking at Rightmove?

37
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,310
Hold on, have you been
on my internet history?

38
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,990
Yeah. How else would I know?

39
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,150
Sorry, yeah, just checking.

40
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,870
So, Rightmove, "wha guan,"
as they say round here.

41
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,310
Um...

42
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,870
Are you looking for
somewhere else to live?

43
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,670
My father's giving you
criminally matey rates, babe.

44
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:19,710
How would you feel if I was thinking
of, you know, move... moving...

45
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,110
Am I making you nervous?

46
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:26,070
No. I love living here. It's... relaxing.

47
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,150
But, hypothetically, how would you feel?

48
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,550
Hypothetically?

49
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:31,590
Yeah.

50
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,350
Hypothetically, I'd be fine.

51
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,230
Right. But then if it's real, then...

52
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,510
It's not real, is it?

53
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,310
- No. - Then it would
be absolutely fine.

54
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,070
Cool, good to know.

55
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,470
Hurry up!

56
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,790
Come on, Les, traffic
round the Shanklin Road's

57
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,070
ball-ache of the year a
million years running.

58
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,430
Shanklin Road? You're going to La Plage?

59
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,470
Hence the lift.

60
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,390
- Reinstating date night.
- You're kidding me!

61
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,350
You're going to have the
shellfish, aren't you?!

62
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,830
Oh, no, Tom's upset because
I'm going to have the crab

63
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,180
and I'm allergic and my
face and lips will swell up.

64
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,870
Yes!

65
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,830
Well, some of us

66
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,710
aren't afraid of our immune
systems attacking our bodies, Tom,

67
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,510
some of us quite like it, and
the crab is buttery as billy-o.

68
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,110
Please tell me you're taking an EpiPen?

69
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,110
I'm bringing two. I haven't
decided on the starter yet.

70
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,870
What about Mum having to look at that?

71
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,990
- It's nice to have a
change, to be honest. - See?

72
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,510
That's not a good thing, Dad.

73
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,630
It's one night of the year, Tom.

74
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,030
You've got it too, you know
-- all the male Rydales have.

75
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,430
Hence why I don't eat shellfish!

76
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,830
Mum, tell him, stop stressing
me out before my date!

77
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,830
Oh, you do like this
one, don't you, rookie?

78
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,230
Do I hear wedding bells?

79
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,030
I'd willing wed her. I'd
willingly father her children.

80
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,870
I'd willing father her
grandchildren, for crying out loud.

81
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,150
Well, no.

82
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,110
- No, that's...
- Well, you'd... you'd have to...

83
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,830
- Have to impregnate your daughter
to do that, Tom. - No, scratch that.

84
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:45,990
That's not cricket.

85
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,190
Sure.

86
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,840
Disgusting boy!

87
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,630
Hi... Hi.

88
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:05,950
Yes?

89
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,030
Um...

90
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,480
Ha ha ha.

91
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:19,950
Here he is.

92
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,070
Oh, God, Mum!

93
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,110
Any closer to female acceptance, Tom?

94
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,790
Good way of putting it.
Um, yes and no, really.

95
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,070
It was all right, but I
think I made a bit of a flub.

96
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,870
I told her a white lie.

97
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,430
How was your date, Tom?

98
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,950
With death?!

99
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,950
- Oh, God, Dad! Don't do that!
- Ashley!

100
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,750
Oh, classic comedy.

101
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,990
Jesus Christ!

102
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,150
You should be trying to be
less disgusting, not more!

103
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,110
- Sorry, Les.
- Look at what you're doing to Mum.

104
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,030
Oh, she doesn't mind. She'll
get over anything eventually.

105
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,790
- No, I won't. - You've
forgotten who you're married to.

106
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:54,030
Ssh, ssh, ssh, name me one thing you
couldn't ultimately forgive me for?

107
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,590
Eating Tom.

108
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,510
- What?
- Where's that come from?!

109
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,750
Well, if you murdered and ate my son Tom.

110
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,190
- Scary!
- Lesley!

111
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,150
- You asked. - You shouldn't be
able to come up with it that quickly!

112
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,190
Oh, I'm being criticised
for being quick now, am I?

113
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,030
- Sorry, how would I even eat him?
- Don't work through the practicalities!

114
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:10,550
Blend him down, probably.

115
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,110
Oh, God, unbelievable!

116
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,030
What's wrong with her?!

117
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,110
How was it, champ?

118
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,310
Oh, yeah, fine.

119
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,070
She's so nice, it's
just I told a white lie.

120
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,430
- She was talking... Sorry, do you mind if
you go away when I'm talking to you? - What?

121
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,830
- Just turn around.
- All right.

122
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,070
Disgusting.

123
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,430
She was talking about finding a new
flat because her flatmate's weird.

124
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,350
I didn't want to sound tragic for
living here, so I just blurted out...

125
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,150
- He's got his own two-bed
flat in Mile End. - What?!

126
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,670
- Ker-ching.
- Really?

127
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,990
It just came out. When money
talks, sex listens, I thought.

128
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,190
He's also got a cinema room
and, set your faces to stun,

129
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,630
- a vintage, claret-rouge Aston Martin!
- No, he hasn't.

130
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,030
Why did you say that?

131
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,830
I'm a pathetic individual, aren't I?

132
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,550
I think she might have known I was lying.

133
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,350
Oh, God, a few more are coming back to me.

134
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,510
He's Grade 8 on the cello,
he's an amateur potter.

135
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,790
- Oh, Jesus! - He actually ghost-wrote
some of Roy Keane's autobiography.

136
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,830
- Roy Keane?! - Roy Keane gave him
some of his medals for helping out.

137
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,430
- That was a low point, admittedly.
- Who's Roy Keane?

138
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,830
She must have known, she
went all quiet at the end.

139
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,230
Bet she bloody did!

140
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,430
I wanted to kiss him,
but I got too nervous.

141
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,790
- Oh, God, Ellen!
- There was this long pause and...

142
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,390
- Go on. - I didn't know what to
do, so I just gave him a fist-bump.

143
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,470
- Ruffled my hair and said...
- See you soon, sport.

144
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,860
And she was off, just like that.

145
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,590
Not good.

146
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,870
BOTH: I've ballsed it.

147
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,870
Well, you need to confess, laddie.

148
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,990
Yeah, I know, I'm just going to take
her for a nice meal and 'fess up.

149
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,630
I'm going to ask this guy if
he can get me in somewhere good.

150
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,110
Do you remember Dwayne Pear,

151
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,750
who works at Time Out,
used to fancy Maeve?

152
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:44,230
Name rings a bell, but I could just
be thinking of the fruit, the pear.

153
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,670
No, true. Oh, Jesus!

154
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,270
Oh, it doesn't matter, Tom.
I once said to a woman...

155
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,510
I'm sorry, I just can't be in the same
room as you looking like that. Do you mind?

156
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:56,260
No, fair enough. Your mum's
been saying the same for years.

157
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,960
Wakey wakey!

158
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:05,430
Sorry, I'm going to have
to burst your bubble, Ellen.

159
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:06,630
Argh!

160
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,030
Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.

161
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,910
Oh, hi. Sorry, I did not sleep well.

162
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,830
I had this nightmare last night.

163
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,550
Oh, babe, that wasn't a nightmare.

164
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,190
You really did go on a date with him.

165
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,310
No, Hermione. Morning, by the way.

166
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,750
I think that film really freaked me out.

167
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,390
It was about the Elephant Man.

168
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,030
Why did he take you to the Elephant Man?

169
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,190
Only film that offers him
a favourable comparison?

170
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,550
No, Hermione. I just hate films like that.

171
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,950
That face keeps haunting me.

172
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,710
Can I carry on with the part of the
conversation that most interests me?

173
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,950
- Great.
- Yes.

174
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,590
You mentioned last night Tom
said he had his own place

175
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,910
and you were clearly enthralled by that.

176
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,430
Well, I guess the only problem with it is,

177
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,550
I found his address on the electoral roll.

178
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,830
Didn't even take long.

179
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,190
You shouldn't be doing
research on my dates, Hermione.

180
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,310
Two hours, and he is not massively
Mile End, he's East Finchley.

181
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,190
Oh, right, well, I think that's
where he said his parents live,

182
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,750
so maybe he's just not
changed his electoral...

183
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,630
He lives with his parents. Like a child.

184
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:08,350
And he has constructed a matrix
of lies to get into your pants

185
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,230
and then dump, stroke, hope
not, but maybe abuse you.

186
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,950
- Do you really think he's lied
about where he lives? - Yes.

187
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,870
If you're in any doubt, call the number,

188
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,190
which I have taken the
liberty of locating for you.

189
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:22,230
- Right, well, I'm not going to do that,
because I don't want... - Well, it's ringing.

190
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,520
PHONE RINGS

191
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,080
Telefonico!

192
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,960
Telefonico!

193
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,560
Oh, Jesus wept!

194
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,350
I was resting!

195
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,190
- I was just about to get it.
- Well, I'm up now.

196
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,670
- Well, sit back down again, then.
- Once I'm up, I'm up.

197
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,230
You know that, once I'm up, that's me, up.

198
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:58,310
Hello?.. Oh, yes, it is.

199
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,310
.. Oh, how are you?

200
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:06,310
.. Good, well..... No,
I'm not bad, not bad.

201
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:07,790
Well, I say that,

202
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,990
I had an anaphylactic reaction
to some shellfish last night,

203
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,320
so, well, I sort of planned it,
so I can't really complain.

204
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,590
No, you're right. Yeah.

205
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,630
Yes, the grip and slog of life, yes.

206
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:26,790
Oh, well, apart from that, I
have run out of talcum powder.

207
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,310
Oh, I'll tell you what I did see,

208
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:33,070
I saw the biggest pigeon I
have ever seen last week.

209
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,710
.. Of course.

210
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,350
It's Ellen.

211
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,070
What?!

212
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,270
It's Ellen.

213
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,510
WHISPERS: Why are you talking to her
about pigeons and talcum powder?!

214
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,990
Sorry, hold on, Ellen. Have
you ever heard of flirting?

215
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,590
Bally ho, boy!

216
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,830
I shouldn't be doing this, Tom's
going to think I'm a psychopath.

217
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,550
WHISPERS: I told her I don't live here.

218
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,750
I told her I live in
Mile End, I'm not here.

219
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,630
That's all you have to do!

220
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,350
Right.

221
00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:02,750
Ellen, love, he... isn't
here, he doesn't live here,

222
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,190
so he's not here at all.

223
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,230
He hasn't been here for three years.

224
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,070
Oh, that's a long time.

225
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,790
So who were you just talking to?

226
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,510
Er, let me just check.

227
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:15,790
WHISPERS: Who was I talking to?

228
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,030
Make someone up.

229
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,390
What do you mean, make someone up?

230
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,590
I mean, make someone up!

231
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,110
Christ!

232
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,990
NORMAL VOICE: Hello, Ellen, love.

233
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:28,710
I was talking to... Have
you heard of Judy Finnigan?

234
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,470
God, Dad!

235
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,830
Judy, wow!

236
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,630
What the bloody hell?!

237
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,630
God, your voice cuts through me, Lesley!

238
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,910
Oh, shut up, Ashley!

239
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,990
Well, it's like crabs
scuttling across piano strings!

240
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,910
- I know.
- I'm on the other line.

241
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,350
Well, who are you talking to?
Announce yourself, caller.

242
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,950
Hi, it's Ellen. Hello, Mrs Rydale.

243
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,670
What are you doing talking
to Tom's girlfriend, Ashley?

244
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,070
Hang on, hang on, are they
officially boyfriend and girlfriend?

245
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,270
Oh, it's not good.

246
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,030
Well, we haven't really... er, yeah,
we only met the other day, so...

247
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,630
It's a no from her, Tom.

248
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,470
Well, I'm hoping to call Margery Beech.

249
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,990
- Her eczema has returned with a
spring in its step. - Oh, dear.

250
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,150
And it's torpedoed her bridge
playing, so time is of the essence.

251
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,670
Can you put her on to Tom
quickly, please, Ash?

252
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,990
Tom's not in, because
Tom doesn't live here.

253
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,550
What do you mean, he doesn't live here?

254
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,670
Does he live there, sometimes?

255
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:20,510
- Oh, no! - He bought a flat in Mile
End, love, don't you remember that?

256
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,790
He bought a flat in Mile End? Tom?!

257
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,600
I don't th...

258
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,560
Soz.

259
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,110
Dwayne Pear, as I live and breathe...

260
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,790
Yeah, can you call me back in ten? Thanks.

261
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:43,030
- Been a long time, Rydale.
- Yeah, thanks for seeing me at short notice.

262
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,990
- It's all right.
- I need restaurant tips.

263
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,630
- Well, you've come to the right man, then.
- Yeah. How is everything going at Time Out?

264
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,670
- Five stars.
- Brilliant, well, that's good.

265
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,150
What's an ordinary day like for
you? Like, what do you get up to?

266
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,990
I review a couple of restaurants...

267
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,310
PHONE RINGS

268
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,630
Futtards Letting executive manager,
Hermione Onassis Smith speaking.

269
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,750
Oh, hi, Hermione.

270
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:05,910
Ellen?

271
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,110
Hi.

272
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,950
Um, just, just calling for a
catch-up, how are you doing?

273
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,710
You called my office. What's the matter?

274
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,470
Oh, my God, you're looking for a flat!

275
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,710
I didn't know you worked at Futtards.

276
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,430
Er, I knew you were an estate agent.

277
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,150
Oh, well, where did you think I worked?

278
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,630
Just generally, estate
agent in general, roaming.

279
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,710
And where are you looking? Mile End?

280
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,510
What? Maybe.

281
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,110
He doesn't live there, Ellen. He's lying.

282
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,630
He is not lying.

283
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,230
I mean, of all the places to lie about,

284
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,270
I feel I drop four social classes
just passing through Mile End.

285
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,790
Well, I would happily live there.

286
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:42,910
I would move in with him.

287
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,950
Did I mention he's got underfloor heating?

288
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,790
He hasn't got underfloor heating. Grow up!

289
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,990
You've known him less than a week, Ellen!

290
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,150
Oh, God, you are so institutionalised.

291
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,550
And he's given you a nightmare.

292
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,390
He's a big monster looming out of the fog!

293
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:56,710
He is not a monster.

294
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,550
He is a sensitive cellist,
who thinks I am a lunatic

295
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,830
because I called his parents
after our first date.

296
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,990
- PHONE BLEEPS
- Oh, hang on.

297
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,040
Corn in Egypt, it's him!

298
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,910
This is it, second date.

299
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:11,870
It's do or die and don't
be weird, that's my mantra.

300
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,110
Can I give you some advice?

301
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,110
- No!
- Wardrobe, hygiene?

302
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,150
I can manage my own life
just fine, thank you.

303
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,150
Now if you will excuse
me, I happen to be late

304
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,550
for an interrogation at the police
station for my recent road rage.

305
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:23,830
So, yeah, anyway,

306
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,550
I've been keeping abreast on
Facebook of all your successes.

307
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,340
Yeah, likewise, man, with all your, um...

308
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:35,310
Just you, but, er, lots of photos of you
and your folks on there, which is nice.

309
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,950
Yes, so, anyway, I took her to
this film, The Elephant Man,

310
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,150
last night and I basically
poured her a silly porky pie,

311
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,830
and I just want to confess in
just the best place possible

312
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,190
and apologise and show her a good time.

313
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,230
- Fershangwenthl.
- Sorry, I didn't hear?

314
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,110
- Fershangwenthl.
- Yes, I've no idea.

315
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,910
- So have you not heard of...?
- Yes, I have.

316
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:54,990
Oh, OK.

317
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,070
It's this really cool, amazing new
restaurant everybody's heard of.

318
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,630
- Yeah, I know.
- And is going crazy about.

319
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,630
- Hm. - And it's called Fershangwenthl.

320
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:04,030
- Yeah, Fershang...
- Fershang-wenthl.

321
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,510
- Fershangath...
- Fershangwenthl.

322
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,030
Fershang-alang.

323
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:11,870
This really great place, this
Thai guy who settled down in Wales

324
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,590
and began to absorb elements
of Welsh cuisine into his own.

325
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,150
Oh, that sounds delicious.

326
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:21,790
Yeah. Um, but you, yeah, you probs
won't be able to get a table,

327
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,590
to be honest, mate. Not for a few
months. Sorry, I shouldn't...

328
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,230
- Oh, could you maybe pull
a few strings...? - Er...

329
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,070
- No, probably not. - I mean,
no, it's just, yeah... - No.

330
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,710
- There's only so many times you can play that
card. - I know. I know. No, forget about it.

331
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,990
Forget about it. It's
just good to chew the fat.

332
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,230
- Yeah.
- Um, Maeve says hi, by the way.

333
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,470
What do you want to do
now, do you want to go...?

334
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,670
Maeve? Maeve? How is
Maeve doing these days?

335
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,870
- Is she all right?
- Yeah.

336
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,470
I haven't seen Maeve for a long time.

337
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,710
You kind of, sorry, am I
remembering this correctly,

338
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,670
you sort of fancied
Maeve a bit, didn't you?

339
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,230
I still think about Maeve all the time.

340
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,350
Hm.

341
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,670
Sorry, I know it's weird
because it's your sister

342
00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:02,230
and everything, but
Maeve is just pure sex.

343
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,680
Isn't she?

344
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,910
Yeah, she's not to my taste, obviously...

345
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,430
- Sorry, she's your sister and
it's weird, but... - That's fine.

346
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,750
OK, how about this? I get the
table at the restaurant...

347
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,470
- Right.
- .. and you bring Maeve...

348
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,190
- Yeah.
- .. and we have a double date.

349
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,030
What did you say it was, Welsh?

350
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,510
- Welsh Thai.
- Welsh Thai.

351
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,030
And it would really impress your one...

352
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,510
Hm, one is a bit...

353
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:29,070
And Maeve would love it
and it would be, yeah.

354
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,270
Wait, yeah, sorry.

355
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:37,550
Would you... would you mind pimping
out your sister just to get

356
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,670
a restaurant reservation?

357
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,420
No, I think it's fine.

358
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,630
To be honest.

359
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,230
Cool, man.

360
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,350
Yeah, that should be nice.

361
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,110
Can this guy get a shuffle
on? It's been 40 minutes.

362
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,350
I'm meeting someone in a couple of hours.

363
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,000
Look at me. Relax, OK?

364
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,240
Oh, God.

365
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,950
MOUTHS: Smile.

366
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,740
Sorry to keep you.

367
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,710
Bit of a wrestle with a jacket potato.

368
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,470
- Oh.
- Now, then...

369
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,790
HE SNIFFS

370
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,150
Oh, can you smell that?

371
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,590
Can you smell that? What is that?

372
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,670
That's bizarre.

373
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,230
It could be a bolognese,
but it's a bit creamier.

374
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,790
- OK... - Yeah, I can smell
that, yeah, that's an odd one.

375
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,710
- Are you getting that?
- Yeah. - Shall we just...?

376
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,830
There's almost an element
of off coriander.

377
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,310
Well, it's almost, I'm tempted
to say, a bit metallic.

378
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,310
All right, don't get
sucked in. Shall we get on?

379
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,670
Yes, sure. I'll be mother.

380
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,070
Um, bop.

381
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,430
Right, it is 5.30 and we are here

382
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:57,110
because a witness identified you
as ramming a leukaemia charity van.

383
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,390
Bloody hell!

384
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,270
Right, um, present are...

385
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:05,880
Jack Sterling and my client... um...

386
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,070
I'm so sorry, you're going
to have to give me a trigger.

387
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,230
- I...
- Ellen Baxter.

388
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,710
Fairly do's.

389
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,590
Um, next of kin?

390
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,550
Ah, that I do remember. No parents.

391
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,800
Can you not just point at
me and say "no parents"?

392
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,350
Orphan.

393
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,590
I've got a foster mum,
but she lives in Leeds.

394
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,230
Right, Ellen Baxter.

395
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:35,230
We are here to discuss a vehicle
collision on Monday 23rd.

396
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,310
Would I be mad to say the
words chilli con carne?

397
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:41,150
Oh, give that man a bloody medal!

398
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,790
Oh, God, I don't think I can take this.

399
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,910
Of course it is. OK, game on.

400
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:50,630
The trump in my hand is my
favourite kind of footage...

401
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,360
buddle-de-bu da-ra, CCTV thereof.

402
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,390
Yes, so Ellen's coming, gosh, butterflies.

403
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,590
You... It would be great
if you could come, Maeve.

404
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:04,030
Wild horses couldn't keep me away. I
don't know why they would want to.

405
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,150
Hm.

406
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,230
So, Ellen's coming, you're coming,
got an old buddy coming too,

407
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,710
- that's great. So...
- Hm. Who's that?

408
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,310
- What's that?
- Who's that?

409
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,960
Oh, the friend? He's like an old buddy.

410
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,270
Like an old pal.

411
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,150
Hm. Yeah, who though, sorry?

412
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,030
Yeah. No, cool.

413
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,310
So, what, sorry, what was I going to say?

414
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,710
Oh, yeah, what crisps are
you hoping they'll have?

415
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,270
It would be good to choose now
so there's no dilly-dallying...

416
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,950
- Hm, it feels like you're sort of
avoiding the... - It's Dwayne Pear.

417
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,910
Oh, really? Oh.

418
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,910
When did you two become friends?

419
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,590
Well, he got me into this
Welsh/Thai fusion place, so...

420
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,230
Oh, Fershangwenthl, yeah. Cool.

421
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,350
Fershanathal, yeah.

422
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,670
- Yeah, Fershangwenthl.
- Fershangel, yeah.

423
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,510
So you're part of the deal, sort of thing,

424
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,310
it doesn't matter really, but from
your point of view it's a date.

425
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,830
Oh, God! Well, he'd
better not be a weirdo,

426
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,470
Tom, I don't want to have
to sleep with a weirdo.

427
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,910
I mean, obviously you don't
have to sleep with him at all.

428
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,510
Yeah, you know what I'm like, though.

429
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,070
- Not really. I'm not massively...
- Basically, I can be quite...

430
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,230
- Don't have to tell me.
- I'll shag anything.

431
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,470
Oh, God, Maeve! That's horr...

432
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:09,830
Oh, that's horrible.

433
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,390
Hm. Yeah, it's very grainy, isn't it?

434
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,350
Do you think?

435
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:19,110
Um, yeah, yeah, I do. Don't you?

436
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:22,510
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
yeah, I can't see a thing.

437
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,190
Sorry, what is, what is this?

438
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:28,110
I think I can make out,
like, an owl, is it?

439
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:33,390
Well, we have taken the trouble
of enhancing the image.

440
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,240
Oh, dear, not good.

441
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,510
I now have to advise
my client not to comment

442
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:43,270
until further notice, otherwise
we're in deep trouble.

443
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,550
- Um...
- Ah-ha.

444
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:51,830
Ellen, this is a photo of one of the
girls that the charity helps out.

445
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,950
Now, I know he says don't comment,

446
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,150
but I get the impression
that you're a good person.

447
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:02,150
Ah-ah-ah, read my lips, mate, she
doesn't care about that little girl.

448
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,510
Period.

449
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,910
Wait, no, I do care.

450
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,870
I think I might have
to hold you for a while.

451
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,310
What? Oh, no, please.

452
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,070
Hold her? Really? That
doesn't seem appropriate.

453
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,990
In a cell. I'm not saying cuddle.

454
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,110
Oh, right, oh, fine. No, that's fine.

455
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,670
Is it?! Is it fine?

456
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,830
That's fine by me. What's your take?

457
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,390
Can I at least get my phone call?

458
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,150
I've got a do-or-die second date.

459
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,790
Once we've done the paperwork and we
have signed off the charge, then...

460
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,310
Can I have the phone call before
you sign the paperwork off?

461
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:31,670
Yeah, why not?

462
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,030
And while we're at it, why
don't we smoke some doobies

463
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,350
and get some pizzas delivered?

464
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,390
No, no, you can't, you can't do that.

465
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,870
Dwayne Pear,

466
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,070
if I didn't know better I'd think
you were trying to get me drunk.

467
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,230
Well, you do know better, because
I am trying to get you drunk.

468
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,550
I do bad things when I'm drunk, Dwayne.

469
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,470
Then get that bloody peach
schnapps down your throat, woman!

470
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,600
Cheers.

471
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,630
Do you want me to do my shot?

472
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,710
Don't care, mate.

473
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,160
Oh, great.

474
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,030
Have you got the same menu as me?

475
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,710
Because I can't really...

476
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,070
Yeah, it's in Welsh and Thai.

477
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,150
You can ask them what
it means if you need to.

478
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,790
- Oh...
- But it's very frowned upon.

479
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,230
Absolutely. I'll figure it out.

480
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,190
What, you'll work out a whole language?

481
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,790
I don't know, Maeve!

482
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,830
She's not coming, is she?

483
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:31,950
I liked her.

484
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,790
Now she thinks I live with my parents...

485
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,310
You do live with your parents.

486
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:38,510
And she's sacked me off in favour of
someone more independent, I suppose.

487
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,230
Oh, my God, already!

488
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,400
Jesus! Fine.

489
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,750
Um, ignore me, I'll just
check my BBC news app,

490
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,870
see if they've done anything
about the Middle East.

491
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,840
Yemen, Syria, etc.

492
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,630
Right. It's time for
you to get your ET on.

493
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:02,750
What?

494
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,950
Phone home. Bit of fun I do.

495
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,000
Oh, thank God for that.

496
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:15,670
Can you...?

497
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,320
Yes, of course.

498
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,070
I think she's rumbled me.

499
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:29,630
How late does someone have to
be before you've been stood up?

500
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,350
I think if they're not here by...

501
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,910
Yeah, that's a good cut-off point, yeah.

502
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,430
Oh, Christ!

503
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,390
Right, bugger. I guess
I'd better call my mum.

504
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,830
Oh, no, no, no. Don't call your mum.

505
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,030
Mums can be very melodramatic as a group.

506
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,030
Well, I've got no-one else to call.

507
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,710
He's going to think I've stood him up

508
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,150
and I don't want to tell him...

509
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,510
I'm sorry to hear about that,

510
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,990
but, if we can please hurry it
up a bit, that would be good.

511
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,830
We've all got places to be.
I could have a wife and kids.

512
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,670
Do you?

513
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,460
I've got a lizard.

514
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,620
There is someone.

515
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,430
PHONE RINGS

516
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,110
- Hello? - Hi, there, it's
Ellen. I phoned earlier.

517
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,790
So, so sorry to be calling,

518
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,870
but, um, well I've got
myself into a bit of a pickle.

519
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,070
Sorry, dear, University Challenge.

520
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,750
Durham's with egg on its face yet again.

521
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:29,230
Honestly, they are to a man complete orks!

522
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,590
Um, could you let Tom
know I've been delayed?

523
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,190
I can't get through to him.

524
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,510
I've had quite a rough night.

525
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,550
You and Durham both. All OK?

526
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,190
I've just made a stupid mistake

527
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,350
and I don't really know
how to deal with it.

528
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,950
Can I ask you a question?

529
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,950
Yes, Tom does live here, let's
not beat about the bush.

530
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,430
He's got as much chance
of buying his own place

531
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:49,990
as a piece of cardboard.

532
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,830
Well, I wasn't asking about Tom.

533
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:56,790
I am a tool! Interruption,
lose ten points.

534
00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:00,560
So he did lie, then, after all? Right.

535
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:06,110
To be honest, I did wonder,
deep down. Fair enough.

536
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,830
I'm in the same position, to be honest.

537
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,150
Stuck where I am. London's hard.

538
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,630
My question was going to be,
um, if you do something bad,

539
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,590
does it always pay to 'fess up?

540
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,310
I don't know what to do.

541
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,630
I will say this,

542
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,040
Ellen, I once ate 12
Babybels in under 40 seconds.

543
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,470
Right, is that... is that it?

544
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,870
Tom got the blame for the Babybels,
I never 'fessed up, he got grounded,

545
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,390
cried for a week, he's a bit
like that, you know, a bit wet.

546
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,310
Anyway, not a day, not
a day has gone past...

547
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:42,280
Kilimanjaro! Kilimanjaro! I knew it!

548
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,350
Hello?

549
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,670
Right.

550
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,390
Right, OK.

551
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:51,840
I knew it!

552
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,620
If I 'fess up, will you let
me try and meet my date?

553
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,990
Well, she's not come, has she?

554
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,120
Guys? Guys.

555
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,750
Jesus Christ, Maeve,
you're in a restaurant!

556
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,270
What's weirder, her doing
it or you watching it, mate?

557
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:15,270
Well, I mean, none of it's perfect,
I wish I didn't have to choose.

558
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:16,860
PHONE BUZZES

559
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:19,830
Oh, my God, she's coming!

560
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,510
She knows where I live
and she doesn't mind.

561
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,800
She doesn't hate me -- yet.

562
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,510
Oh, the stars are aligning,
things are finally are on the up.

563
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,190
Um, Dwayne, was there shellfish in this?

564
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,510
I beg your pardon?
Answer the question, Pear!

565
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,430
In some of it, yeah, it's
Welsh Thai, isn't it?

566
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,990
Oh, sweet mother of Jesus Christ!

567
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,310
That's the whole point,
didn't you read my review?

568
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,310
No way! Boring!

569
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,150
What did you have? It's not in all of it.

570
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:50,390
I don't know, it was either Mongdong
Llaredew or Mongdong Llaredach.

571
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,430
Yeah, well, there's a
big difference, mate.

572
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,190
Llaredew is chicken with a punchy saffron.

573
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,150
Llaredach has lobster bisque in the
sauce, it's unthinkably subtle.

574
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,310
She's going to be here soon, Pear!

575
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,350
I could kill myself, I could just,

576
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,910
were it not for certain talents
that remain untapped, that I hope

577
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,950
to draw on in the future, I would
eat this mush till my face burst!

578
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,270
All right, well, calm down,
Tommo, which one was it?

579
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,590
If it was Llaredew, you'll be OK.

580
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,870
I don't know, I don't
know! Llaredew, Llaredach.

581
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,430
I can't remember.

582
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:24,110
Llaredew, Llaredach, I don't
know. Llaredew, maybe.

583
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,070
Llaredach, it's possible.

584
00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:27,830
Llaredew, Llaredach.

585
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,390
Sorry, how long is this
going to go on for...?

586
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,510
What, you're going?

587
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,870
Yeah, just, um, quite keen
to get off home, really.

588
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,070
Just chomping at the bit
to get back, really, mate.

589
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,830
Fine! If you want to go and bonk while I
go into anaphylactic shock, then just go!

590
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,470
- Bog off!
- Music to my ears.

591
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,790
You're a true gent. Thank you, mate.

592
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,030
Mate, just be honest,
just be honest with me.

593
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:49,750
How's my face, honestly? How bad is it?

594
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:50,950
What's it like?

595
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,390
It's not great.

596
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:53,830
Inflated?

597
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,310
No.

598
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:56,760
Oh.

599
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,160
Tom?

600
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,800
Oh, yeah, it was Llaredach!

601
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,190

 Cradle me Cradle you

602
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,550

 I win your heart with a whip-a-whoo

603
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:45,520

 Pulling shapes just for your eyes

604
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:52,350

 So with toothpaste kisses and lions

605
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,550

 I'll be yours and you'll be...

606
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:59,190

 Lay with me I'll lay with you

607
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,230

 We'll do the things that lovers do

608
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,960

 Put the stars in our eyes. 


609
00:28:06,010 --> 00:28:10,560
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